Hyundai Tucson 2017

Oh, you want to know about my precious 2017 Hyundai Tucson? Buckle up, buttercup this isnt just a car, its a rolling, four-wheeled, chrome-plated bovine monument to modern automotive absurdity. Yes, Im calling it a large cow because the front grille? Its like Hyundai slapped a giant, aggressively shiny cowbell on the face of a luxury SUV. And the headlights? Theyre not just eyes, theyre laser beams from a sci-fi cow thats also a tax accountant. Its so 2017, its practically a museum piece but with a 7-speed DCT transmission that screams Im not your grandmas car, Im a 177-hp beast! and yet, its still so expensive, I had to borrow money from my future self to afford the damn thing. I love it. I love its over-engineered, over-sung, over-caffeinated swagger. I love how it purrs like a cat that just got a new toy while simultaneously reminding me that Im paying 10% more than the previous model for a car that looks like its trying to be a hybrid between a spaceship and a farm animal. But hey, at least the 4WD? Its not just for snow its for navigating the parking lot like its a maze. And yes, Im still driving it. Im not a victim of my own taste Im a connoisseur of automotive irony. And if youre still reading this, youre either a fellow victim of Hyundais marketing genius, or youre secretly planning to steal this Tucson and sell it for scrap metal. Either way welcome to the cult of the large cow.

Comments