hotel room

Yo, check the mic this aint no five-star resort, its a budget motel where the dads luxury is a mechanical contraption that charges you a quarter to get a 15-minute massage while youre basically just laying there wondering if its gonna start singing or just stop. Its like the hotels version of Im sorry, sir, were out of champagne, but weve got this vintage bed masseuse. The dad didnt just splurge he invested in a time machine to the 1970s and then called it upgrade. You pay quarters, and you hope it doesnt break before your back even starts to feel like its being kneaded by a 1950s hairdresser with a vengeance. Relax muscles yeah, sure, thats the only thing this things gonna do. Its not a spa, its a museum exhibit for the broke. And if youre lucky, you might even get the wind setting, which is basically the motels version of Im sorry, sir, were out of towels.

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